Cache of Words

I have to go back to work tomorrow after having three months off for my maternity leave. I'm so sad! I really don't want to go. I'm going to miss my baby girl! I know moms all over the world have to do this, but it doesn't  make me feel better because there are also moms all over the world who get to stay home. I want to be one of those moms! I sorta wish Mr. Jen and I hadn't started our life backwards. We bought a house, got married, and had kids BEFORE he finished school. Maybe if he had his degree, and a career, I'd be a stay-at-home momma right now. *sigh* You do what you have to do, I guess!

I'm thinking of starting another LJ account so I can surf LJ while at work. We can get on the internet when it's slow, but I really don't want my LJ in the computer's history. Would it be weird to have an account just to read and post comments during the day? Talk about being addicted!

If I had known just two Oreos amounted to 140 calories and 7 grams of fat, I certainly wouldn't have consumed 8 over a 24-hour period. That's like a Big Mac. In eight tiny cookies! It should be required that they put a warning on the front of the package that says, Which would you rather go ape crazy on? Eight Oreos or a Big Mac? Because I totally would have gone with the Big Mac.

 

Having a baby girl changes everything. Even my dryer lint. It is now pink instead of various shades of gray and blue.

I just love her. She makes everything seem shiny and fun and pink.

I recently switched to a new dentist who came highly recommended. I liked my old dentist, but he was such a popular pick in town that it was nearly impossible to get in to see him. Like, when I had a wisdom tooth that was giving me a massive headache, when I called to schedule an appointment they told me the soonest I could get in was in two weeks. WHAT! A toothache will not wait two weeks!

Anyway, I went to see Dr. R, the new doctor, to get a cavity filled and the dental assistant says, "Would you like the gas today?"

I'm like, "Um...I didn't know that was an option."

(Previous dentist didn't even offer me gas when they CUT OUT my wisdom tooth. I mean, geez!)

So I take the offer and the assistant hooks me up to the gas. And pretty soon, I don't even realize I'm getting a cavity filled, what with the party going on inside my head. There was dancing, and hand holding and REO Speedwagon playing in the background. It was the best dentist appointment I've ever had. I'm like, "Sign me up for my next appointment!"

I cannot tell you how nice it was to get dental work done and not be so freaked out about it through the entire session. Seriously, every dentist should offer you gas the minute you walk in the door. The world might have better teeth! (Once we all get dental insurance, that is.)

I live in a relatively small town of about 9,000 people, so when one of them wins $700,000 on a state lottery it's a big deal. There was a message on the digital sign outside the gas station here in town that said, "Check your Lucky 7's ticket. We sold a $700,000 winner." I really wished I had a Lucky 7's lottery ticket to check!

The woman who won works at the hospital here in town. She's like anyone else here. She gets by, but she's not rich. The story is just amazing. After turning in the ticket, she left with a check for $494,000. Can you imagine? Of course, me and Mr. Jen couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to win $494,000. Pay off the house. Buy new cars. Buy new laptops! But I think the most valuable thing money does is give you more time to spend with your family. If you have that much money, you don't have to work. At least for a couple of years. And as I pictured this, all these days spread out before me...seeing my little girl walk, feeding her smushed peas and seeing the look on her face when she tastes it...that much money can buy you time you wouldn't otherwise have. Sure, I can feed my little girl peas after I get home from work and I'll still get joy out of watching her learn to walk, but it's just not the same as spending everyday with her. I don't know how I'm going to go from being with her all day long to being with her from 5:30 to 9:30 till she goes to bed.

Maybe I need to buy a lottery ticket...

My night is not complete unless I watch House Hunters on HGTV at 9:00. I love House Hunters and it's just not the same without Suzanne Whang! BTW, when I just looked up how to spell "Suzanne Whang" and got her Wikipedia page, I read there that she graduated from Yale with a BA in psychology and from Brown University with a Master's in cognitive psychology.

How in the world do you go from Yale and Brown and a Master's in cognitive psychology to hosting House Hunters?

Suzanne Whang, you amaze me.

(I wonder if all those psychology degrees help her predict which house the people will pick? I'm always wrong. Mr. Jen is always right. I hate it!)

It rained all day today and now it's thick with fog. I love this sort of weather. Despite it being rainy, it was still incredibly warm. We're getting there on the temps! And, being totally, completely in love with the rain, I wanted to start my baby girl out early. We bundled her up, wrapped her in two blankets, hid her beneath an umbrella, and took her outside for a few minutes. She slept the whole time! Next spring, I'll be treating her to a pair of those cute rain boots and a coat so we can play in the rain. I can't wait!

I just finished reading A.S. King's The Dust of 100 Dogs. Wow. That book is made of awesome. King doesn't hold back when it comes to the main character, Emer/Saffron. I loved the details of Emer's life as a pirate. I sort of wish we'd seen more of her butt kicking. I could probably read an entire book from Emer's POV.

I also bought The Forest of Hands and Teeth and Some Girls Bite, the latter of which I blazed through. I was disappointed with a few things, mainly the climax and conclusion. I think I was expecting an epic finish, and it didn't exactly go that way. Still, I remain hooked. I'll definitely buy the second book.

Son says to me tonight, "What's the point of having sex if you're not trying to have babies? Sounds like a waste of time to me!"

"Exactly," I said. "That's why you don't need to have sex till you're 25!"

Lucienne Diver talks about Teaser Tuesday on her blog today. How cool is that? Having created Teaser Tuesday, it's crazy to me how far it's reached. I like hearing about complete strangers participating in it.

My baby girl is over a month old already!


I can't believe it. Soon, she'll be sitting up on her own and I'll have to go back to work...it's all so very sad. I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom right now, just until she's older! But I can't, so I suppose I need to stop whining.

Mr. Jen is still on strike. They went on strike October 29th. At this point, I really don't see the issue being resolved. The union knew right from the start that the company wanted to break the union. I don't really care much at this point. We've survived this long. And Mr. Jen hated that place anyway. If he can find a good part-time job, that'll help and he'd be able to take more classes too. So in the long run, I think the strike will be a good thing. Otherwise, Mr. Jen might have been stuck there, like a gooey fly trap.

Now, Teaser Tuesday...I really have nothing. I've been writing a little bit, but nothing crazily substantial, like Possession, bursting out in just a few months' time. I guess I could post a tiny bit from Bird, the Victorian fantasy I've been working on for decades, just so I can partake in Teaser Tuesday because I miss it!

 

“So what have you been up to since I last seen you?" James asked.

I wished I could give a candid tale of how I’d been out shopping and gallivanting, attending balls all over town. Instead, all I could say was, “Mostly just baking in the shop." 
              “Helping the family business is a gallant thing to do.”

I shrugged, that goofy smile appearing once again on my face. “It’s nothing, really.”

We rounded a corner in the path and stepped out of a canopy of trees into a small field of grass and wildflowers. Purple, blue and white dotted the landscape like a painter’s brush had splattered paint on a canvas. James scooped up a handful of white daisies and handed them to me.

“Beautiful flowers for the beautiful lady.”

I giggled. Curses, I giggled. “Thank you.” I accepted the flowers graciously and took a whiff of the petals. “They smell very good.”

James stuck his hands in his pockets again and shrugged. He looked so casual when he did that. Not at all like a millionaire.

 

Five weeks and counting! I can't believe I've almost reached the end of this pregnancy. It feels like I just found out I was pregnant. At the same time, I can't quite remember what it was like NOT to be pregnant.

With only five weeks left, I'm starting to get nervous. Like every little twinge or pull or ache is a sure sign I'm going into labor. Son was born 3 1/2 weeks early, which would only give me 1 1/2 weeks left if this pregnancy went the same way. I don't think it will, really. I think she'll come when she's supposed to come---at the end of March and no sooner. Of course, I could be wrong!

For some reason, everyone at work is pregnant right now too. Sadly, one of the girls at another office, who was due May 5th, went in for an emergency C-section yesterday due to extreme preeclampsia. The baby was only at 29 weeks gestation and weighed just 1lb 15oz. Mom and baby are about two hours away from here in the Super Hospital where Son spent the first month of his life. Speaking from experience, I know they'll be taken care of down there in the NICU, but I just feel so sad for her and the baby girl. They have a lot more to get through and they'll probably be down there a few months, I'm sure.

AND...another girl, who was due March 5th, went in for an emergency C-section last Tuesday after she had a seizure due to preeclampsia. Thankfully baby wasn't too incredibly early and she's fine. Still, it's incredibly scary to hear about all this stuff when you're due in five weeks! I know what it feels like to go through the emotional turmoil of having a baby with medical problems. I just don't want to do it again. I want my baby girl to be able to eat from a bottle, instead of a feeding tube. I want her to be able to coo and yes, even cry, unlike Son who had a trach for the first two years and couldn't hardly make a peep. There are just so many things we didn't get to experience with Son because of his medical problems, things you generally wouldn't even think of if your baby is just a baby that does normal baby things.

On another note...I've become the cliche pregnant girl. I want pickles.

I've decided I'm going to keep track of the books I've read this year. Last year, before I got pregnant and lost my writing mojo, I neglected my reading pile. This year, I'm going to try to read more because a) it's fun and b) it'll be good for the writer in me.

In January, I read:

Need
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Shopaholic takes Manhattan
Wondrous Strange
And part of Bone Crossed

My favorite out of the bunch was definitely Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs. I've been reading the Mercy Thompson series since the first book came out, though I slowed on the last few books because of said dry reading spell.

While Bone Crossed is not my favorite book of the series, I still totally LOVED it. This one starts with Mercy and Adam conversing about whether or not she'll become his mate. I have always been an Adam girl, so of course I'm rooting for him!

From there (within like ten pages) we meet Mercy's mother and her dog, Stefan drops in a little worse for wear and nearly attacks Mercy, and an old college friend knocks on the front door asking for a little ghost hunting help.

It's a good opening and one that pulled me right in. Of course, there's more trouble with the vampires and the seethe, but I really enjoyed learning more about Mercy's ghostie abilities. I hope we'll see even more in books to come.

And one other thing I'm hoping to see in future books? Mercy using that dang faerie walking stick! What will it do for her? Will it back fire like it did in it's legend? The walking stick did play a role in this book, but I don't think we've seen the last of it yet.

Yesterday's weather forecast called for 3-5 inches of snow.




Does that look like 3-5 inches to you? I'm thinking its more like 15! Mr. Jen is six foot and it's past his knees. I came home from work yesterday at noon and barely made it in the driveway, then had to trudge/waddle through all that snow just to get up to the house. I'm so sick of snow! Go away! We've had an absurd amount of it this year. I've been stuck in it twice and getting stuck does not make me happy, especially at 7:30 in the morning.

Mr. Jen, however, loves it. This is his kind of weather as evidenced by this picture:



That's Mr. Jen diving down the hill. For some reason, whenever we get large amounts of snow, he turns into a winter dolphin.



Sometimes, he's so weird. Like, who likes snow this much? No normal human being, I'll say.

Happy New Year!


I've never been huge on new year's resolutions, but this year will be a big one for us. We're adding a member to the family. I'll be off of work for three months. Mr. Jen's job situation is still unknown. Of course, I want to lose weight this year. The body needs a lot of attention after having a baby! But compared to the things I listed above, that doesn't seem as important. I just want us to be healthy and happy in 2009, nothing more.

Surprisingly enough, with Mr. Jen's paycheck having been cut by 2/3rds, we're still getting bills paid on time. I know eventually that'll change considering we're taking out about a hundred dollars a month from savings. But you know what? Right now, I'm so happy he's home with us. On his normal work schedule, he worked three in the afternoon till two at night. We never saw him Monday through Friday and I felt like a single mom during the week. Now, with his strike schedule, he has Wednesday and Thursday off and every other Friday. He can help out with the housework more and gets Son to school in the mornings so I can focus on getting ready for work. I hate not having extra money to go out to eat or pick up something that the house needs, but it's almost worth it.

It would be perfect if Mr. Jen could find a different job this spring. Something part-time so he can focus on school more. That was our plan all along---that's why I went back to work---but I think we were afraid to do it. Now we know we can make it work. Things will be tight, of course, but Mr. Jen will be working toward a degree and he'll still have more time to spend with the family. What's more important than that?

So, my new year's resolution? Be happy that we're healthy, that we're together, and that we have a roof over our heads. I don't think there's anything more important than that.

OMG it has been forever since I last posted! Where have I been? Apparently, not on the Internet.

I had a relatively good Christmas, besides the fact that my brother announced he proposed to his girlfriend. I won't get into particulars here because it'll all be very negative, but said girlfriend is VERY manipulative and extremely immature for being 31 years old (ten years older than brother, six years older than me!). I wish she would just go away!

The baby got a ton of stuff even though she isn't even here yet! I hate to think of how much stuff she'll get next year. My mother tries to make it all even between every grandchild, but you could tell she was going crazy being that this will be her first granddaughter.

I only have three more months to go now before the baby arrives. I can't believe how fast it's gone. At the same time, I feel like I've been pregnant forever, if that makes sense. I'm REALLY missing my lunch meat (because it's supposed to be like toxic and dangerous and must be avoided at all costs when it comes to pregnant women). My doctor said I can have a turkey sandwich every now and then if it makes me happy, which it does, but I can't help but feel all guilty afterwards. I also cannot wait to have a glass of wine. I've already told my doctor that wine will be had in the hospital after the baby's birth. I'll have a turkey sub from Subway and a bottle of Arbor Mist to celebrate. I can't wait!

In writing news, the muse is still AWOL, but I'm confident she'll return sometime. I mean, she has to right? She can't hide forever. I've been reading like crazy. At least two books a week and oddly enough, I've read a ton of historical romances lately. That's something I never read. I'm blaming it on the hormones! I'm running out of new books though and I'm trying to make a plan for Barnes & Noble this Friday so long as the weather holds up. It's been one odd winter here so far. It was 17 last week and we got a ton of snow, then rain all weekend and 50 degrees. That's not normal for Michigan, but I'm really not complaining. I'll take rain anyday.

I like Christmas. I like Christmas like I like pepper. I can do without pepper if I need to. It's no big deal. I won't freak out if the pepper canister is empty.

But this year, for some reason, I'm WAY in the Christmas mood. So much so that it borders on scary. I had reindeer dancing in my head October 27th. Yes, before Halloween was even over! I bought new tree ornaments that day. I also bought a mini tree to set up in the bathroom with cute little mini icicles and mini bulbs and mini snowmen ornaments. Next weekend, I am so decking these halls.

I CANNOT WAIT!!!

(It really must be the hormones. I'm like a Christmas freak this year.)

I don't drink. At least not that much. I might have a glass of wine every now and then late at night when I write. Or half a Smirnoff because Mr. Jen bought a 6-pack and one just sounds darn good. 

But despite the fact that I can go months and months without drinking and not care at all, I'm suddenly overtaken with the extreme craving for Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot. Seriously. Why? Why now? It must be the wanting-what-you-can't-have syndrome. I swear the very day I get out of the hospital after having the baby, I will be treating myself to a glass of wine. Oh yes. There will be wine. 

Some more very sad news---it's snowing. 

Ugh.  

Oh how I love bank holidays. I'm actually home for once on a Tuesday, which means I'm going to post a teaser and partake in the fun that is Teaser Tuesday.

I'm so happy the writing spark came back, but I'm so afraid of it leaving again. It's like a friend I found again after years and years of searching that I don't want to let go. I might just barricade the door to keep her home safe and sound.

The manuscript I've been working on is the Victorian fantasy I mentioned months ago. It's called Bird for right now.
Here's an excerpt from this weekend's progress:

Rex Leven was the richest seventeen-year-old in the entire city. Perhaps even the entire country. Heir to the Leven Soap Company, he was worth more money than I could invent in my imagination. Wealth made him popular, but it was his quiet, subtle handsomeness that always, always made me falter.

From a distance, Rex was nothing of interest. He was of average height, average build. His hair, the color of chestnuts, was trimmed neatly, fanning over his forehead. But up close, like this, Rex was almost otherworldly. It was his eyes, I decided, because they were the color of the sky where night met day. A blue so pure and brilliant that it made him seem older, more mature, more everything. And when he turned them on me, my startled lungs seized, freezing hot air mid-throat.

I hated to swoon, but my knees suddenly felt as solid as cake batter.

We had our ultrasound on Saturday. From the looks of it, we're having a girl!

I really didn't want to care what we were having. I wanted a girl because I already have a boy and it would be fun to have one of each. Also, have you seen the totally cute clothes they have for little girls? And there's just something about the relationship between a mother and daughter that's so very special---I wanted to experience that.

BUT, I knew what to expect if it was a boy. I would know how to care for him, physically and emotionally. And I've heard so many times that boys are easier.

With that said, have you seen the totally cute clothes they have for girls nowadays? ;)

And I get to buy them!

We finalized the name pick: Bella Vera

One of my co-workers said it sounded like a pasta, but I don't care. I like the way it sounds with our last name. Very old world. I've also been doing some studying on dominate and recessive traits. I'm postive she'll have dark hair like me and Mr. Jen, but I'm pretty sure she'll have Mr. Jen's curls. Freckles are also dominate---those she'd get from me. I'm really hoping she'll have my nose (Mr. Jen has a VERY masculine Roman nose), but Mr. Jen's lips. He has big, puffy lips that I think would look absolutely adorable on a girl. Plus he has these big, midnight blue eyes. It doesn't matter what traits she has, I just know she'll be adorable and I can't wait to meet her! We got a very cute profile pic of her during the ultrasound. It's amazing how clear the pictures are nowadays.

Anyway, I know I said early in the pregnancy that I was terrified of having another one only because I had decided we were done. Nothing like having your plans change completely around, but now that I've accepted it, I'm getting excited. There are still things to worry about and fear (like health issues, which Son had) and getting frustrated at 3:00 a.m. because I can't sleep, but I know there will be many, many fun/happy times.

As a matter of fact, we're considering having another one. I know, crazy! This one isn't even out yet! But I told Mr. Jen that a) I'm not having anymore kids after 30 and b) he needs to be making enough money so I can stay home and be a mom and write. Those are my rules. He better get moving on that college degree!

All of that said---all of that baby talk---I think I finally (Maybe!) might have found a tiny writing spark this weekend. I got a lot done on an old manuscript I really want to finish. Maybe that's why I'm so happy? It could also be that I have tomorrow off since it's Veteran's Day and the bank is closed. And also possibly that I got a new book in the mail that I've been dying to read. All-in-all, it's a good day (except for the fact that Mr. Jen is still on strike. *sigh* How am I going to buy the baby an adorable pink pea coat if we have no money? I need to get started on that book writing...) 
 

 

I get far too much enjoyment out of watching Hank Green do the Numa Numa dance. Whenever I'm feeling down (like today) I just watch the video and I feel ten times better.

I haven't written in months. And it sucks.

I still feel the emotional tug. Like when I hear a song that inspires me. Or I watch a good movie or I see a tree ablaze with fall color. And then I sit down and I write about 200 words and I'm over it. Nothing excites me on paper. What the heck is wrong with me?

Of course, I knew when I found out I was pregnant that I might suffer a bit on the creative side. I've heard a lot of women say they couldn't write at all when they were pregnant. And to make matters worse, Mr. Jen went on strike today. He's a memeber of the Teamsters Union and they voted down the contract presented to them by the company he works for. *sigh* I'm hoping it won't last longer than two weeks---a month at most. He'll make $135 a week for strike pay. We CANNOT pay the bills with that and my paychecks won't make up for his lost wages.

With everything that's going on, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not feeling very creative. I just never thought it would be so damn painful.